April 17/November 12, 2024

Krystal Jane

It has officially been a little over 3 months since I returned to New Zealand from my Disney College Program. The absence of the life I once had truly creates a weight that Im unable to ignore, the longing of my true friendships that are now scattered across the world……I’m constantly trying to fill the gap, distract myself, feel complete.

For at least the first month I attempted to be alone, to feel my feelings in my own time, and for a while I couldn’t fully grasp the fact that I will never be living that life again. It’s hard though to sit somewhere that you’ve outgrown and not feel lost. No matter how much I dwell on the fact, I have to remember there is more, I can do more.

The hardest part for me has been the people I miss. The amount of times I have gone to message them to hangout, then quickly realised that they’re on the other side of the globe and not just a few buildings over, have been one too many. After a few months I have come to a point where I can smile about the memories I made, and know that Im aiming towards making more in the future. Having the excitement of not only re-visiting a friend but also being shown around their home country is a great feeling, and to one day show them around mine will be wonderful.

Florida has taught me to be outgoing, extroverted and sleepless (in the best ways possible), and being home has shown me that it’s okay to do things alone. Its okay to sit at the beach with some sushi and listen to music, to go for a walk, to watch a movie in my bed, to work on myself, to spend most of my time with family instead of friends, and to have inner peace. At first I found this difficult, but I’m truly thankful to have been able to learn this way of life, so now I can adapt to any situation, especially when travelling.

Now a year has gone by… I have completely forgotten about this blog but everyday the constant battle with my brain goes on. Sometimes I go a day without thinking about how my life used to be, and sometimes I can't go a minute without thinking about it. My friends, support, Disney, everything. Work will never be the same as when I was making magic.

People think working for Disney is not all that great, and of course it was hard. Everyday I struggled to get enough sleep, I overworked myself in terms of 14 hour long shifts or going out every night on end. Sure, I could have chosen a nice and simple 9 hour shift, in bed by 10 lifestyle, but I wanted to make the most of my program. Every single day I am thankful for the no sleep, crazy, outgoing and courageous girl I was. I miss being able to run over to Magic Kingdom for even an hour to go and watch the fireworks, or spend my off day sweating my ass off around Epcot.

Going from this to living in New Zealand is hard. As much as I want to pretend it's not, it will eat me up daily. My next thoughts are what is my next distraction? My next adventure? Where to next. I can't go back to how things were, but I could make the most of my youth and seek new things, new people and new opportunities. I want to make the most of life, even if sometimes I do feel down about how it is now.

Every single day I miss my friends, but I know they are always there for me and begging me to come to their home towns, I am so eternally lucky for this. Let's see what is next!